What Do Men Want?: An Inquiry Into Love, Sex and Power
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- Create Date：2022-04-07 09:51:52
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Nina Power
- ISBN：0241356504
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Summary
From the acclaimed philosopher and author of One-Dimensional Woman， a bold， playful and open-minded exploration of the role of men in the twenty-first century
Something is definitely up with men。 From millions online who engage with the manosphere to the #metoo backlash， from Men's Rights activists and incels to spiralling suicide rates， it's easy to see that， while men still rule the world， masculinity is in crisis。
How can men and women live together in a world where capitalism and consumerism has replaced the values - family， religion， service and honour - that used to give our lives meaning？ Feminism has gone some way towards dismantling the patriarchy， but how can we hold on to the best aspects of our metaphorical Father？
With illuminating writing from an original， big-picture perspective， Nina Power unlocks the secrets hidden in our culture to enable men and women to practice playfulness and forgiveness， and reach a true mutual understanding and a lifetime of love。
Something is definitely up with men。 From millions online who engage with the manosphere to the #metoo backlash， from Men's Rights activists and incels to spiralling suicide rates， it's easy to see that， while men still rule the world， masculinity is in crisis。
How can men and women live together in a world where capitalism and consumerism has replaced the values - family， religion， service and honour - that used to give our lives meaning？ Feminism has gone some way towards dismantling the patriarchy， but how can we hold on to the best aspects of our metaphorical Father？
With illuminating writing from an original， big-picture perspective， Nina Power unlocks the secrets hidden in our culture to enable men and women to practice playfulness and forgiveness， and reach a true mutual understanding and a lifetime of love。
Reviews
Tina Beattie
，
I reviewed this book for The Tablet。 Here's my review: As the gender juggernaut continues to roll through the linguistic and sexual conventions of modern culture， it takes courage to write a book which asks its readers to celebrate the fact that men and women are not the same。 Nina Power exposes herself to attack from both sides of this polarised debate – from transgender activists for insisting on the non-negotiability of bodily sexual difference， and from gender-critical feminists for pleading I reviewed this book for The Tablet。 Here's my review: As the gender juggernaut continues to roll through the linguistic and sexual conventions of modern culture， it takes courage to write a book which asks its readers to celebrate the fact that men and women are not the same。 Nina Power exposes herself to attack from both sides of this polarised debate – from transgender activists for insisting on the non-negotiability of bodily sexual difference， and from gender-critical feminists for pleading on behalf of men。 Yet if， as she suggests， our inability to think about sexual difference is ‘symptomatic of a general collapse in the ability to think at all’， then this thought-provoking book is both significant and timely。Power focuses on the ways in which men suffer under the triple whammy of feminist demonisation， the reductionist entrapments of capitalism， and the loss of traditional virtues and role models。 She uses the term ‘heterosociality’ to appeal for a new appreciation of sexual difference based not on conflict， antipathy and commodification， but on friendship， trust and mutual respect between the sexes。 The last two sentences offer an eloquent summary of the book’s main argument: ‘To imagine that men and women can be better， and are fated most wonderfully to sometimes be together is， in the end， to respect the strange marvel of human existence as a whole。’The book is written， says Power， in a spirit of ‘graceful playfulness’。 A chapter is devoted to the games we play in our social and sexual encounters。 The quest to remove all risk and vulnerability from relationships between the sexes by imposing strict rules of consent and accountability is a price too high to pay， for it eliminates those aspects of playfulness， flirtation and erotic exchange which are fundamental to the development of sexual love， and which require trust， vulnerability and risk。 The sexual liberation movements of the 1960s and 1970s have been replaced by pornographic and masturbatory online cultures， with young people having less rather than more sex as their desires for the risky and complex realities of vulnerable bodily relationships are sapped by over-exposure to pornography and voyeurism。 For Power， our values and relationships have been so corroded by consumerism， the commodification of desire and the impact of social media， that we cannot meaningfully speak of what it means to be good unless we struggle free of the annihilating effects of capitalist individualism。 This means reclaiming the wisdom offered by past traditions: suffering， virtue， goodness， forgiveness， responsibility， the dangers as well as the seductions of desire， commitment， trust， loyalty， the importance of family life – a list which is implicitly if not explicitly Christian。 The observations on suffering are particularly insightful and sharply focused。 Power argues that in a commodified culture， the quantification of pain and the competition for victimhood risk inuring us to the universality of suffering and the need to minimize it whatever form it takes。 Forgiveness is essential to the task of repairing our broken relationships。The book skirts around issues of God and religion， but many of the questions it raises invite theological reflection。 Does the loss of faith in the fatherhood of God result in a culture of multiplying sibling rivalries？ Has society sacrificed the transcendence that would enable people to navigate complex identities and relationships without making the human the pinnacle and measure of everything？ Does the modern idea of boundless self-ownership constitute ‘Locke without God’？All this is filtered through an exploration of the crisis in masculinity – or， possibly， the realization that ‘masculinity is crisis’。 Men are victims as well as perpetrators of violence and they are more likely to die violently than women， though women are at greater risk of sexual violence。 Suicide is the most common cause of death among men under forty-five。 If patriarchy is a source of suffering， then men also suffer under patriarchy。 Indeed， says Power， ‘To be a man today is， in great part … to suffer’。Many of the shibboleths of feminist rhetoric come under scrutiny。 Incels （involuntary celibates） are notorious for their misogyny and occasional acts of violence but， argues Power， most are poor young men with few future prospects who share a deeply human desire to be loved。 She challenges the term ‘toxic masculinity’ for suggesting that men are spreading a poison through society。 She asks if the popularity of ‘strong-seeming men’ like Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump might be attributed to an unmet need for authoritative father figures。 Without necessarily endorsing his methods and ideas， she asks why a figure such as Jordan Peterson has such a following among young men。 She appeals for greater respect for parental authority figures， fathers as well as mothers， and asks if the lack of father figures contributes to the crisis in men’s identities and roles。 As I was reading this book， two contrasting images of strong masculinity were filling the world stage: President Zelenskyy of Ukraine and President Putin of Russia。 Power quotes Phil Christman’s definition of masculinity as ‘an abstract rage to protect’ – a definition which links ‘anger and care in the same breath’。 Maybe Zelenskyy and Putin are examples of such protective masculinity at its best and its worst。 I think this whole book can be read as a comparison between these two forms of masculinity， and it makes such good sense when read in that way。Some critics will undoubtedly see Power’s position as a capitulation to conservatism， though I do not think she is so easily pigeon-holed。 Others （myself included） might ask if she takes seriously enough the extent to which women and girls still suffer multiple injustices and abuses attributable to the androcentric values of our societies and institutions。 Victims might ask if forgiveness is possible without genuine repentance and remorse。 Wherever one stands in relation to these and other legitimate questions， Power invites reflection on fundamental issues of human goodness， desire and suffering which go beyond the culture wars。 Indeed， she suggests that the capitalist terrain on which these wars are being waged is unfit for human habitation， and that seems to me to be a question we all need to be asking in these times of crisis。 。。。more
Filipe
，
Oh boy， I came into this one with some preconceived harsh thoughts。 And I left it with renewed hope for a better understanding of the gender divide that’s been fomented by a value-destroying culture。Power meanders a bit， goes off-topic here and there， and you’re at times pondering whether she’ll come back to bring it all home。 She does。It’s quite a breeze to read， and something you’ll get through in a day。 Do revisit the book later。 There’s mentions of Jordan Peterson， online hate culture， and c Oh boy， I came into this one with some preconceived harsh thoughts。 And I left it with renewed hope for a better understanding of the gender divide that’s been fomented by a value-destroying culture。Power meanders a bit， goes off-topic here and there， and you’re at times pondering whether she’ll come back to bring it all home。 She does。It’s quite a breeze to read， and something you’ll get through in a day。 Do revisit the book later。 There’s mentions of Jordan Peterson， online hate culture， and capitalism-spoiled movements; these are put into an interesting context where we come to see both genders as struggling for meaning and a deeper， shared value system。What do men want？ Power isn’t very clear at times; but the ending pays off massively， so I won’t spoil it。In her writing I found parts of myself I couldn’t identify before， vague contours of some dissatisfaction — and at times anger —， which I think can be explained by her later arguments in the book。I’m glad to be ‘oh so very wrong’ in my initial approach to the book。 Nina Power brought about a book that I can cherish， something far less poisonous or trivializing than most of today’s literature about what men could possibly be all about。 。。。more
Conor
，
First， I want to say that I did enjoy this book， so it's three stars with a smile。 Unfortunately， what let it down is I felt like this was the equivalent of literary Snakes and Ladders。As a man who knows nothing about the manosphere， it was fascinating to read about online forums and concepts for men interpreted through the lens of Nina Power。 She genuinely seems to look at these ideas with charitable eyes， planning to bring the sexes together。The primary thing I found jarring was the constant m First， I want to say that I did enjoy this book， so it's three stars with a smile。 Unfortunately， what let it down is I felt like this was the equivalent of literary Snakes and Ladders。As a man who knows nothing about the manosphere， it was fascinating to read about online forums and concepts for men interpreted through the lens of Nina Power。 She genuinely seems to look at these ideas with charitable eyes， planning to bring the sexes together。The primary thing I found jarring was the constant mention of socialism or living in capitalism in the same way that hippie narcissist does who says they are socialists but means your stuff goes to them。 Or mentioning capitalism in a way that is as useful as adding earth to the end of your address？Power doesn't explain how socialist concepts help？ If there is such a thing？ She doesn't clarify why capitalism specifically causes specific behaviour when it doesn't take much effort to realise most of the things she's talking about is ubiquitous across all kinds of cultures？ It's incredibly jarring， lazy and smacks of academic cap tipping。My other criticism would be the Cowardly nature of specific topics dodged。 Given that 30% of the book is references， I imagine the Powers community is academic。 This book was either edited down to oblivion on specific topics or wholly avoided because of the perceived and real danger。 For example， the Red Pill， actually all the pills were described through the lens of one individual？ If I understand anything about the manosphere， it's the misrepresented red pill concept， so I have to assume many other things are too？ Power reduces the idea of hypergamy to the antidotes of her friends not self-reporting as being influenced by Hypergamy。As I understand， the Red Pill concept could be reduced to， don't listen to what people/women have to say， observe what they do！ We， especially men， are constantly lied to， and red pilling is becoming aware of those lies and replacing them with something closer to the truth， or at least attempting to discover it。 Power skips by this fairly significant manosphere concept that is arguably the root of many other concepts。 。。。more
Matthew Walker
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